I woke up that morning feeling kinda sick to my stomach...totally dreading chemo! We stopped for a quick breakfast and went to the cancer center. They got me back fairly quickly for my blood work but then I had to wait on a room to be ready.
My blood pressure was up a little...I think my nerves were getting the best of me. I started feeling so sick to my stomach. I went over the usual symptoms questions with the nurse and then waited on the doctor.
When my doc came in, he was concerned about the severe pain that I had in my shoulder from the last chemo and wanted to do a chest x-ray just to make sure that the port was still sound and positioned correctly. He also said that because of the numbness in my face and in my toes and hands that he was gonna cut back some on the Vinblastine because he thinks it might be causing the numbness and he said it wouldn't affect my treatment.
Before going to the x-ray department, we discussed doing some testing to see how my progress is (something I am very anxious to have done!!). He said that after two treatments more, that I would be half-way through and we would do some scans. He said he expects to see some really good progress and I just pray it is gone!! That would encourage me to keep going!!
I went and had the x-ray and came back to wait for results. Everything was fine so they sent me back to the now dreaded chemo room and I was even more sick to my stomach...I am getting sick to my stomach now just even typing this.
They started my pre drugs and it wasn't helping with the nausea. I just kinda laid back and tried to relax. Once lunch came around. I tried to eat but it made it worse, I was about to throw up! The nurse came and talked with me and they went and got me some Ativan to help with my nerves and the nausea. This helped take the edge off but I still felt pretty sick.
I got home that night and was ok...still a little sick but hanging in. Over the next few days, I had so much nausea and food and smell aversion! Ya see, I am developing a real problem...I have read this is common in chemo patients. Anything related to chemo...the smells, the look, the foods I have eaten, the drinks I have consumed....the smell and taste of chemo...all of it makes me really sick to think about. For six days I was so sick to my stomach but hungry at the same time. I could not bear and still can't to think of salads...I could not stand to drink soda...Smells would make me so sick...I seemed to have hightened smell or something.
The nausea finally subsided and I felt some better and wanted to eat normally again. I just felt really worn down. Then I developed a really sore throat and tongue. They warned me this could happen but it hadn't so far. My tongue developed some thrush and I had blistery bumps on the roof of my mouth and in my throat. That lasted a few days...main thing is it hurt to swallow and eat.
I am trying really hard to deal with this anxiety and aversion I have for chemo but it is extremely hard! I start dreading it on the Sunday before. I can't even look at my chemo bag...I know it sounds stupid but the bag I take to chemo makes me remember chemo and then I start feeling sick. Yesterday I was looking at someone's blog and they had the ABVD images of the chemo drugs and I got so sick just looking at the bottles. When I go Wednesday for round five, I am going to talk to my doctor about this and see if there is anything that can be done to help. It is getting really bad!!
Well, that is all for now. I am sorry for the late update but with six days of bad nausea, it was hard to even discuss it.
I will try to do better this week!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Third Chemo Treatment
I had my third installment of chemo on Wednesday. We went in a little early as usual to try to get in earlier. They first drew my blood and then I waited on the doctor to come in. When he came in, we discussed the issue with my face going numb for so long after the last chemo. He said that he had never had anyone to get that but that chemo could do all kinds of weird things to the body. He said I would hate for you to stop chemo when this is so curable and I made it clear that there was no way I would stop it even over that, even if I had to suffer it daily! That would just been plain stupid in my opinion!
He said that my blood levels were holding pretty strong so far and that we could continue on with treatment. So he sent me to the chemo room and for the first time since starting, it was almost empty so they let me choose which seat I wanted. I chose one on the end...and was glad that I did because it seemed more secluded and just better..I don't know.
Now right when I walked in, that smell was there...that foreboding, yucky, chemically smell that you just can't get out of your nose! I can't describe it and if you walked in there, having never had chemo...you might not even notice it...but that smell haunts me and I hate it!!
They first cleaned my port...this is the part that really gets the smell yuckiness going! The swab that they use smells so strong and nasty..not just like alcohol..something all together different. I can't stand it! And they swab and swab and swab you. Then she sprayed me with the numbing spray which did not help a bit because when she clicked the needle in my port, it really hurt for some reason. Then they try to pull blood out of it and mine came right out so that was good.
Then they start the predrugs-the steriod and nausea meds. And they give me two Tylenol. I really don't notice much when these are going in except just a warmness. This time though, I started feeling really light headed and dizzy. My vision was a little blurry and I just felt terrible for a bit. The nurse thinks it was the Zofran because once it ran through, I started feeling better.
This chemo session seemed to go pretty fast and for the most part it was uneventful. This nurse moved things along a lot faster. I ended up leaving sooner than I normally do and was so happy that there was no numbness in my face!
I got home and didn't feel too bad...just tired out as usual. Well, about 8:30 that night, the numbess started in my face again. I never got as bad as the last time and it didn't last as long...it stopped some time during the night. Seems like this is a chemo side effect that is going to start happening each time..or maybe not, we will see.
The day after chemo, I started having bad pain in my port area and in that shoulder and arm. I had to go by the Cancer Center to sign some papers and had them check it. The doctor sent me for a Doppler Ultrasound to be sure there were no clots forming and there weren't. He said for me to take Ibuprophen and rest it as much as possible to keep the swelling down. He thinks that maybe the chemo drugs caused me irritation and that next time I have chemo on May 12 that they will need to flush me even more than before.
Saturday was really bad for me...the Saturdays after chemo always are. I was so sick and weak and vomited most of the day. It finally got so bad that I just had to go back to bed for most of the day and sleep it off. That is the only thing I could do!
Today, my ears have been hurting really bad and my left shoulder still aches terribly! I don't know if I am getting ear infections or what is going on but if it continues, I guess I will be heading back to the center.
This has really been a tough round so far...I have heard it gets worse each time and so far that seems to be the case. At least now, I am in the single digits of treatment..NINE left and I can't wait till they are done!!!
More soon.....
He said that my blood levels were holding pretty strong so far and that we could continue on with treatment. So he sent me to the chemo room and for the first time since starting, it was almost empty so they let me choose which seat I wanted. I chose one on the end...and was glad that I did because it seemed more secluded and just better..I don't know.
Now right when I walked in, that smell was there...that foreboding, yucky, chemically smell that you just can't get out of your nose! I can't describe it and if you walked in there, having never had chemo...you might not even notice it...but that smell haunts me and I hate it!!
They first cleaned my port...this is the part that really gets the smell yuckiness going! The swab that they use smells so strong and nasty..not just like alcohol..something all together different. I can't stand it! And they swab and swab and swab you. Then she sprayed me with the numbing spray which did not help a bit because when she clicked the needle in my port, it really hurt for some reason. Then they try to pull blood out of it and mine came right out so that was good.
Then they start the predrugs-the steriod and nausea meds. And they give me two Tylenol. I really don't notice much when these are going in except just a warmness. This time though, I started feeling really light headed and dizzy. My vision was a little blurry and I just felt terrible for a bit. The nurse thinks it was the Zofran because once it ran through, I started feeling better.
This chemo session seemed to go pretty fast and for the most part it was uneventful. This nurse moved things along a lot faster. I ended up leaving sooner than I normally do and was so happy that there was no numbness in my face!
I got home and didn't feel too bad...just tired out as usual. Well, about 8:30 that night, the numbess started in my face again. I never got as bad as the last time and it didn't last as long...it stopped some time during the night. Seems like this is a chemo side effect that is going to start happening each time..or maybe not, we will see.
The day after chemo, I started having bad pain in my port area and in that shoulder and arm. I had to go by the Cancer Center to sign some papers and had them check it. The doctor sent me for a Doppler Ultrasound to be sure there were no clots forming and there weren't. He said for me to take Ibuprophen and rest it as much as possible to keep the swelling down. He thinks that maybe the chemo drugs caused me irritation and that next time I have chemo on May 12 that they will need to flush me even more than before.
Saturday was really bad for me...the Saturdays after chemo always are. I was so sick and weak and vomited most of the day. It finally got so bad that I just had to go back to bed for most of the day and sleep it off. That is the only thing I could do!
Today, my ears have been hurting really bad and my left shoulder still aches terribly! I don't know if I am getting ear infections or what is going on but if it continues, I guess I will be heading back to the center.
This has really been a tough round so far...I have heard it gets worse each time and so far that seems to be the case. At least now, I am in the single digits of treatment..NINE left and I can't wait till they are done!!!
More soon.....
Monday, April 19, 2010
Hair Today...gone tomorrow!
Well....it happened! The day after chemo, I started losing my hair. At first I thought I was imagining it because I shed hair a lot anyway because of my Hypothyroidism. This just kept getting worse...every time I would run my hands through my hair, I would pull out 15-20 hairs. By Sunday, everywhere I would go, I would leave a trail of hairs...hairs in my food, in my mouth, on the floor, all over our bed....it was just getting really annoying!! So, I had David just shave it off.....and I was ready for it....or, I thought I was!!
When I started seeing my hair falling on the floor, it just hit me so hard!! I started bawling like a baby....it just made me so sad!! It was like the final blow kinda, like this made it finally totally real and there was no going back!
I was very shocked when I had to go look in the mirror at myself...I could barely do it!! I just felt so ...I don't know...so inhuman almost...so genderless...like my womanhood had been stripped! It was very traumatic!!
At this point, I had about an eighth of an inch of hair..it was very uncomfortable! My head felt cold and weird, and I hated it!! I was used to tons of hair and now this fuzz...when I laid my head on my pillow, the hairs would pull and my scalp is very tender right now from the hair loss so I was miserable!!
David went back and shaved me closer and this helped a lot! Now the hairs are not pulling anymore! It is much more comfortable!! But, that cold sensation feels so weird and I am still not thrilled about it...still feel like I look like a boy! But, I have to face it!! I must....there is no other choice!!
When my boys got home from church and I opened the door they all just kinda stood there for a minute. The twins smiled and my oldest said, "Mom, you look like me!!" But, my poor middle child just looked with his big brown eyes and he got pale and looked like he was gonna hit the floor....he said, "Mama, oh...I am scared!" and tears filled up his eyes and I just held him and explained that this didn't mean I was any more sick....that we just had to do it because it was all falling out and that it would come back. He talked to me a bit about it and seemed to feel better...but, it was just such an emotionally sad moment!!
I had a pink baseball cap that I had bought for when it fell out. I have been wearing that....I need to get me some more hats and maybe bandanas and all...I think it will help me to have some cute headware!
So, this is where I am at today...kinda down about my hair..but it's just hair! It will grow back!!
When I started seeing my hair falling on the floor, it just hit me so hard!! I started bawling like a baby....it just made me so sad!! It was like the final blow kinda, like this made it finally totally real and there was no going back!
I was very shocked when I had to go look in the mirror at myself...I could barely do it!! I just felt so ...I don't know...so inhuman almost...so genderless...like my womanhood had been stripped! It was very traumatic!!
At this point, I had about an eighth of an inch of hair..it was very uncomfortable! My head felt cold and weird, and I hated it!! I was used to tons of hair and now this fuzz...when I laid my head on my pillow, the hairs would pull and my scalp is very tender right now from the hair loss so I was miserable!!
David went back and shaved me closer and this helped a lot! Now the hairs are not pulling anymore! It is much more comfortable!! But, that cold sensation feels so weird and I am still not thrilled about it...still feel like I look like a boy! But, I have to face it!! I must....there is no other choice!!
When my boys got home from church and I opened the door they all just kinda stood there for a minute. The twins smiled and my oldest said, "Mom, you look like me!!" But, my poor middle child just looked with his big brown eyes and he got pale and looked like he was gonna hit the floor....he said, "Mama, oh...I am scared!" and tears filled up his eyes and I just held him and explained that this didn't mean I was any more sick....that we just had to do it because it was all falling out and that it would come back. He talked to me a bit about it and seemed to feel better...but, it was just such an emotionally sad moment!!
I had a pink baseball cap that I had bought for when it fell out. I have been wearing that....I need to get me some more hats and maybe bandanas and all...I think it will help me to have some cute headware!
So, this is where I am at today...kinda down about my hair..but it's just hair! It will grow back!!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Second Chemo Round
Well, I first had to go to the hospital to get some blood drawn for my Thyroid levels. My doctor thought they would be able to draw from my port but when I got there, the lab tech told me they were not trained and only a trained RN could do it. So she drew from my hand and it went right in, didn't hurt at all, BUT when I got to the Cancer Center for chemo, it had a huge knot full of blood and was a mess!!
Went in early for chemo. They went on and took me back quickly so I was glad I got there early. I went in the lab first to get more blood drawn. I showed her the hand that was all messed up and she got me an ice bag and drew the blood out of my arm.
I was then taken back to the office to wait on the doctor (didn't think I would see him every time but was told I would). First the nurse came in and took my vitals and asked how I was doing had I experienced side effects, etc.
The Physician's assistant came in to see me and she was so nice! They brought my blood work results in and she said my white cell count had dropped a little but was holding strong so we could continue with chemo. They then brought in my other test results and she said my blood sugar was a little high and would need to be monitored. She said, "You sure don't need to be diabetic with all you already have to deal with!!" I totally agreed!! She took a look at my arms...Ya see every since I can remember, I have broken out really badly in spring all over my arms...just found out the other night that it is sun sensitivity!! She gave me some Hydrocortisone cream to put on it twice a day and told me to stay outta the sun!!
Next, my doctor came in and he asked how I was doing! He said overall it sounded like things were going great. The conversation was pretty short. I had him fill out a form for me to get some financial help...the Lymphoma society gives $150 a year to those with Hodgkins who are being actively treated...every bit helps right now!!
The doctor took me back to the now familiar chemo room and it was once again slam full...so sad that so many people are suffering!!! I had to wait there again...they came and got me shortly and took me to another room...I wasn't thrilled about this room...It had three chemo chairs, not divided..so you were right on top of one another! There was only one TV too.
They soon came to start my drips for predrugs. She cleaned and cleaned and cleaned my port area...I swear that I hate that smell!! Both times it has made me so sick!! She then got the numbing spray out and I told her I wanted to see how it felt putting the needle in without the spray. It wasn't too bad though it did sting a little! She then taped me down with that nasty smelling plastic tape..very strong smells!!This time I was able to see what I was being given! They gave me a bag of Decradon and then a syringe full of Zofran and once again had me swallow the two Tylenol. Soon after that, the nurse came and got me and took me back to the regular chemo room with the dividers and my own TV so I was happy!
About this time, I met Morgan! Morgan is about 175 pounds and solid black with the most soulful eyes!! She is a therapy dog! A huge Great Dane and she came around to everyone to say hello. I wish I had my camera and could have gotten a pic...maybe next time I will see her again. She came and let me pet her twice and they would tell her to speak and she would. It was a special time..
I looked and once again those two lonely hats were sitting there...I got a little sad again thinking of their owners and why they hadn't come back to claim them....but I thought, "No!" I am gonna imagine the best instead of the worst! I am gonna just imagine that they left them there because they were cured and never had to come back....I sure hope someone claims those hats soon!!
Soon, the fun began....the red one went in first...I think she sat and put it in for about 15 minutes but I am not sure. Didn't really feel anything at this point again, just had the nasty, salty taste from the saline. I waited about 20 or 30 minutes and she came with the next drug....the Vinblastine...it was uneventful too....by this time I was eating my lunch and it was pretty good...I had a chicken salad with ranch dressing, a roll and a little cup of strawberry icecream so I was happy!
I looked around and didn't recognize anyone from the last time....just other poor Cancer victims, some bent over and really sick, some seeming to be ok....just a mix, I guess! No one was thrilled to be there, that you could tell!!
Then the nurse came with the Bleomycin and I didn't really feel anything with that either...about twenty minutes later came the bad one...the DACARBAZINE!!! Immediately my stomach started hurting but didn't seem to hurt as much as the last time!But, my jawline started going numb...just tingling here and there..nothing major, just annoying!
When this finally got done after 40 minutes of dripping..the nurse came and took out the needle from my port and held pressure on it really good for a couple of minutes and sent me on my way...I was so ready to go home!! I had been there about 6 hours and was so tired out!!!
On the way home, the face numbness got really worse!!! It was spreading all over my face and was just horrible!! It felt like tiny bugs crawling all over my face...I couldn't stand it!!! It was still doing it about six hours later! I called my doctor and they had him call me...he called me right back and I told him what was going on with my face. He said he had never heard of that with any patients but that chemo did weird things sometimes! He said if it got worse to go to the ER and he would call me in the morning and have me come in if it hadn't gone away!!
I was up most of the night, it just would not stop and was driving me nuts!! I could not stand it...finally it stopped about 4:00am!!! Over 13 hours of a face-numbing nightmare!!! I was so relieved it was gone and has not come back so I didn't have to go in. I had a lot of people praying last night and I know the Lord took care of me!! I pray that never happens again, it was so scary and so annoying!!
So that was my adventures in chemo land story....soon we will be talking hair loss...my hair is slowly coming out, actually, pretty badly today!! Every time I run my fingers through my hair, about 15 come out in my hands so it's not gonna be long!!
My sweet husband came up to me with a pen and drew a little sweet smiley face on my port bandage!! That just was so sweet to me and so I had him take a pic so I could share it with you guys.
Will be back soon with more info...thanks for reading!!!
Went in early for chemo. They went on and took me back quickly so I was glad I got there early. I went in the lab first to get more blood drawn. I showed her the hand that was all messed up and she got me an ice bag and drew the blood out of my arm.
I was then taken back to the office to wait on the doctor (didn't think I would see him every time but was told I would). First the nurse came in and took my vitals and asked how I was doing had I experienced side effects, etc.
The Physician's assistant came in to see me and she was so nice! They brought my blood work results in and she said my white cell count had dropped a little but was holding strong so we could continue with chemo. They then brought in my other test results and she said my blood sugar was a little high and would need to be monitored. She said, "You sure don't need to be diabetic with all you already have to deal with!!" I totally agreed!! She took a look at my arms...Ya see every since I can remember, I have broken out really badly in spring all over my arms...just found out the other night that it is sun sensitivity!! She gave me some Hydrocortisone cream to put on it twice a day and told me to stay outta the sun!!
Next, my doctor came in and he asked how I was doing! He said overall it sounded like things were going great. The conversation was pretty short. I had him fill out a form for me to get some financial help...the Lymphoma society gives $150 a year to those with Hodgkins who are being actively treated...every bit helps right now!!
The doctor took me back to the now familiar chemo room and it was once again slam full...so sad that so many people are suffering!!! I had to wait there again...they came and got me shortly and took me to another room...I wasn't thrilled about this room...It had three chemo chairs, not divided..so you were right on top of one another! There was only one TV too.
They soon came to start my drips for predrugs. She cleaned and cleaned and cleaned my port area...I swear that I hate that smell!! Both times it has made me so sick!! She then got the numbing spray out and I told her I wanted to see how it felt putting the needle in without the spray. It wasn't too bad though it did sting a little! She then taped me down with that nasty smelling plastic tape..very strong smells!!This time I was able to see what I was being given! They gave me a bag of Decradon and then a syringe full of Zofran and once again had me swallow the two Tylenol. Soon after that, the nurse came and got me and took me back to the regular chemo room with the dividers and my own TV so I was happy!
About this time, I met Morgan! Morgan is about 175 pounds and solid black with the most soulful eyes!! She is a therapy dog! A huge Great Dane and she came around to everyone to say hello. I wish I had my camera and could have gotten a pic...maybe next time I will see her again. She came and let me pet her twice and they would tell her to speak and she would. It was a special time..
I looked and once again those two lonely hats were sitting there...I got a little sad again thinking of their owners and why they hadn't come back to claim them....but I thought, "No!" I am gonna imagine the best instead of the worst! I am gonna just imagine that they left them there because they were cured and never had to come back....I sure hope someone claims those hats soon!!
Soon, the fun began....the red one went in first...I think she sat and put it in for about 15 minutes but I am not sure. Didn't really feel anything at this point again, just had the nasty, salty taste from the saline. I waited about 20 or 30 minutes and she came with the next drug....the Vinblastine...it was uneventful too....by this time I was eating my lunch and it was pretty good...I had a chicken salad with ranch dressing, a roll and a little cup of strawberry icecream so I was happy!
I looked around and didn't recognize anyone from the last time....just other poor Cancer victims, some bent over and really sick, some seeming to be ok....just a mix, I guess! No one was thrilled to be there, that you could tell!!
Then the nurse came with the Bleomycin and I didn't really feel anything with that either...about twenty minutes later came the bad one...the DACARBAZINE!!! Immediately my stomach started hurting but didn't seem to hurt as much as the last time!But, my jawline started going numb...just tingling here and there..nothing major, just annoying!
When this finally got done after 40 minutes of dripping..the nurse came and took out the needle from my port and held pressure on it really good for a couple of minutes and sent me on my way...I was so ready to go home!! I had been there about 6 hours and was so tired out!!!
On the way home, the face numbness got really worse!!! It was spreading all over my face and was just horrible!! It felt like tiny bugs crawling all over my face...I couldn't stand it!!! It was still doing it about six hours later! I called my doctor and they had him call me...he called me right back and I told him what was going on with my face. He said he had never heard of that with any patients but that chemo did weird things sometimes! He said if it got worse to go to the ER and he would call me in the morning and have me come in if it hadn't gone away!!
I was up most of the night, it just would not stop and was driving me nuts!! I could not stand it...finally it stopped about 4:00am!!! Over 13 hours of a face-numbing nightmare!!! I was so relieved it was gone and has not come back so I didn't have to go in. I had a lot of people praying last night and I know the Lord took care of me!! I pray that never happens again, it was so scary and so annoying!!
So that was my adventures in chemo land story....soon we will be talking hair loss...my hair is slowly coming out, actually, pretty badly today!! Every time I run my fingers through my hair, about 15 come out in my hands so it's not gonna be long!!
My sweet husband came up to me with a pen and drew a little sweet smiley face on my port bandage!! That just was so sweet to me and so I had him take a pic so I could share it with you guys.
Will be back soon with more info...thanks for reading!!!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The First 14 Days Of Chemo
I kinda wanted to go over my first days after my first chemo so if anyone is getting ready to go through this or just wants to know what it feels like, can kinda get an idea of what I went through.
The day of chemo, I didn't really feel much other than a stomach ache. I got home and immediately took my Kytril to be sure I didn't start feeling nauseated. The stomach pain felt like your stomach hurts when you have the stomach flu. I never did throw up or feel really nauseated...it was only the stomach pain. That night, I was so restless and could not sleep!! My legs twitched and felt aggravated. I felt like I wanted to get up and walk around..just couldn't be still! I don't think I slept but two hours that night! I guess it was all the steriods!
The next day was nothing really more...still stomach pain. No real nausea except here and there. I would feel a twinge of nausea but it would go away. I took my nausea meds around the clock on this day as well, just to be sure.
Friday, was about the same...I pretty much felt okay except my stomach still hurt and now I was a little constipated. I felt a little tired but pretty much okay other than that.
Saturday, I woke up feeling a little tired but decided that I could work. After work, I went to go do something in the kitchen, and something came over me...I don't even know how to describe how bad it was!! I was so weak and felt so weird!! I was dizzy, light-headed and nauseated! I could barely stand. I have never felt so bad in my life! Normally when I feel bad or am sick, I can push through and keep going to a certain extent but with this, it was impossible! I could not do anything!! If I tried, I would feel like I was going to pass out! I got so upset and worried, thinking if this is how every day becomes, I can't do it! I ended up just having to take my nausea meds and going to bed.
I woke up Sunday (Easter morning). I still felt a little weird but not as bad. I was nauseated so I took my nausea meds and then was mostly okay through the day. I still felt kinda weak but not nearly like I did the day before!
The following week was a chemo free week so day-by-day, things started to improve!! I started feeling more energetic and was able to stop taking nausea meds for the most part. One night, I did have some nerve stuff going on in my feet and hands. Two of my toes on both feet kept tingling and so did my fingers. This caused me to not be able to rest well because my legs were also restless.
Towards the end of the week, the constipation turned to diarrhea and the stomach pain got worse. My family doc prescibed me Prilosec and the stomach pain started getting better. I quit feeling nauseated at all and have not had to take meds. The diarrhea calmed down over the weekend and things slowed back down.
Over the weekend, my scalp started feeling really irritated. It burned some and itched lots. Last night, it really bothered me! I couldn't sleep because of it. My scalp felt like I had left it in a tight pony tail all day and just taken it down..ladies you know that feeling! I guess my hair is about to go because from what I have read, this is the first sign.
Other than that, the two weeks haven't been too bad...I am not naive to think it will always go this way! But, I am so glad that it wasn't any worse!
The day of chemo, I didn't really feel much other than a stomach ache. I got home and immediately took my Kytril to be sure I didn't start feeling nauseated. The stomach pain felt like your stomach hurts when you have the stomach flu. I never did throw up or feel really nauseated...it was only the stomach pain. That night, I was so restless and could not sleep!! My legs twitched and felt aggravated. I felt like I wanted to get up and walk around..just couldn't be still! I don't think I slept but two hours that night! I guess it was all the steriods!
The next day was nothing really more...still stomach pain. No real nausea except here and there. I would feel a twinge of nausea but it would go away. I took my nausea meds around the clock on this day as well, just to be sure.
Friday, was about the same...I pretty much felt okay except my stomach still hurt and now I was a little constipated. I felt a little tired but pretty much okay other than that.
Saturday, I woke up feeling a little tired but decided that I could work. After work, I went to go do something in the kitchen, and something came over me...I don't even know how to describe how bad it was!! I was so weak and felt so weird!! I was dizzy, light-headed and nauseated! I could barely stand. I have never felt so bad in my life! Normally when I feel bad or am sick, I can push through and keep going to a certain extent but with this, it was impossible! I could not do anything!! If I tried, I would feel like I was going to pass out! I got so upset and worried, thinking if this is how every day becomes, I can't do it! I ended up just having to take my nausea meds and going to bed.
I woke up Sunday (Easter morning). I still felt a little weird but not as bad. I was nauseated so I took my nausea meds and then was mostly okay through the day. I still felt kinda weak but not nearly like I did the day before!
The following week was a chemo free week so day-by-day, things started to improve!! I started feeling more energetic and was able to stop taking nausea meds for the most part. One night, I did have some nerve stuff going on in my feet and hands. Two of my toes on both feet kept tingling and so did my fingers. This caused me to not be able to rest well because my legs were also restless.
Towards the end of the week, the constipation turned to diarrhea and the stomach pain got worse. My family doc prescibed me Prilosec and the stomach pain started getting better. I quit feeling nauseated at all and have not had to take meds. The diarrhea calmed down over the weekend and things slowed back down.
Over the weekend, my scalp started feeling really irritated. It burned some and itched lots. Last night, it really bothered me! I couldn't sleep because of it. My scalp felt like I had left it in a tight pony tail all day and just taken it down..ladies you know that feeling! I guess my hair is about to go because from what I have read, this is the first sign.
Other than that, the two weeks haven't been too bad...I am not naive to think it will always go this way! But, I am so glad that it wasn't any worse!
Monday, April 12, 2010
The First Chemo Infusion
My husband and I arrived for the appointment on time at 9:45am. We had a bit of a wait and then were called back to an exam room. I had my blood pressure taken and it was a tad high..the nurse asked was I nervous and I said, "Yes!" She took my temp and said it was normal and my pulse and Oxygen levels were all good. She left and we waited for awhile.
I soon realized that in my nervousness, I had forgotten to eat that morning and was feeling kinda sick to my stomach! My husband was worried and said I needed to let them know I hadn't eaten. I didn't want to tell them but he said he would if I didn't cause it could make me really sick without eating so he went and told the nurse and she got me some Graham Crackers and a Sprite. I had plenty of time to eat as we waited for the doctor.
The doctor came in and gave me my latest test results and once again went over the chemo side effects and then I had to sign a release that I understood the risks of chemo and all....totally started getting a little scared then!
They took me to the infusion room. Now, it was a nice enough room but there was an air of ...I don't know..not totally sadness or despair but something hung heavy in the air. I had to stand there for a few minutes because there was nowhere for me to be...standing room only! Sad but true!! While we waited there, the chemo victims kinda all shyly looked at me here and there as if they pitied me being the newest victim. Soon, a chair became open and they got me seated. I was reclined back with my feet up and the nurse asked me did I want a blanket..I wasn't cold.
The first thing they did was to confirm my name and birthdate, which over the course of the day, I ended up doing countless times. She brought what looked like a surgical kit over and unwrapped it. It had gloves and gauze and alcohol wipes and other things that she began to lay out on the table.
She asked did I want the numbing spray. She said, "I'm gonna warn ya, most patients don't even bother with it! It feels really cold and they don't like it!" I told her for this first time I wanted the numbing spray because I Was still a little sore from the port surgery. So, she told me to turn my head and sprayed my port down! Let me tell ya, it was a bad feeling for a bit! It was terribly cold and burny but then all was good.
The nurse began to prepare to access my port. She swabbed and swabbed and swabbed me down with alcohol-smelling stuff that made me sick to my stomach to smell. She then told me that every time that they access my port, either by inserting the needle or taking it out, that I will have to take a deep breath and hold it. I didn't feel a thing when she put it in...thank you numbing spray! Maybe you were worth it!
Now this might sound weird but I was getting nauseated smelling the alcohol and the tape thing that they put over the needle...it was just two very strong smells that were not agreeing with me at all!
She then started a drip of just saline...she didn't tell me what it was, I had to read it myself. Then she handed me two Tylenol pills and had me swallow them. Then I had two other drugs through IV..she didn't tell me what they were and right now I can't even recall them but they were for Nausea and a steriod. I would say it was about thirty minutes or so before anything else happened.
During this time, I got to looking around the room. Beside me there were two hats hanging up...they had been laid there, I guess for the owners to find. I don't know why, but this just really struck me and I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of them. My thoughts went to the owners and I just kept wondering how long those hats had been there and who had left them behind....had they just forgotten to get them....or maybe never made it back?? Ok, that is getting sad to think about but just wanted to share what was running through my mind.
Beside me, was the sweetest little old couple. The man was in the chemo chair and his wife sat right by his side. They were older and you could tell they had been together for a long, long time! She just sat there, ready to spring to action if he made the slightest movement or needed anything! It was a sweet site to see!!
About this time, the nurse came back and asked me for the millionth time what my name was and birthdate..I was glad they were being thorough though! I sure wouldn't want to be given the wrong chemo drugs! They finally had the big bag of chemo drugs...they opened them up and they had forgotten my Bleomycin test dose. So they had to call the pharmacy to bring that up. So, there was a little more wait time. I sat and blindly watched the TV and couldn't tell you what was on to save my life!
Finally, they brought the test dose up and gave it to me to see if I had a reaction. After that, they flushed my port with saline and I swear, I started tasting saltiness in my mouth! When I didn't have a reaction after awhile, she pulled out this big turkey baster looking needle full of red stuff...the Adriomycin...the "Red Devil", as it is often called. This bad boy puts a real punch to the Cancer....awesome stuff!!
The side effects are nausea, alopecia (hair loss), and neutropenia (depletion of white blood cells). It can also cause heart problems, such as arrhythmias, in some patients.
They then flushed me with saline again and I had to wait for awhile...
About this time, I started to feel the need to go to the bathroom...the nurse warned me that my urine would probably be pink. The kind lady from next door showed my husband how to unplug me and take my IV pole with me to the bathroom. She was so sweet!
Then when I got back, the nurse came with a slightly smaller turkey baster and this was the Vinblastine...it was clear. She pushed that through my IV while timing it just like with the first drug. With both the first drugs, I didn't feel anything really. The main thing I was feeling at this point was a burning warmth through my chest and neck from the steriods, I later found out. The side effects of Vinblastine are: neutropenia, ulcers, blisters, and nausea.
About this time they started bringing trays of food around from the cafeteria..I didn't get one but I thought maybe they didn't want me to eat on my first time....I soon heard the sweet little lady beside me telling the nurse that I didn't get a tray. They quickly had me order what I wanted and soon had my food.....
Now, for some reason, I have always liked hospital food! Call me crazy! It's not that the food is really all that good but there's something about the little individual covered bowls and little butters and jellies...I don't know, I have just always liked it! I was pretty starving by this point and had some baked chicken and steamed carrots, a roll, a salad, potatoes and a little chocolate cake. It was pretty good!
About this time, they came to check my vitals and make sure I was still feeling okay. She then got out a smaller needle full of another clear liquid called Bleomycin, the one I had the test dose for. She pushed it through slowly while timing her watch and it didn't cause me to feel anything really either but by this point, I kinda had a bad taste in my mouth! Bleomycin is pretty hard on the body and can cause: fever, rash, alopecia, and Raynaud’s phenomenon (a discoloration of the fingers and/or toes). However, the most serious side effect is the occurrence of pulmonary fibrosis, which impairs the lungs.
About this time, my husband had to go get our boys off the bus. He didn't want to leave me alone but we had no choice. I had now been there almost five hours!
While he was gone, the little lady next store stopped by and asked did I need anything. She brought me a drink and some crackers. I never did catch her name but she looks like a Mary so until I found out otherwise, I will just refer to her as Mary.
Each time a chemo drug was given, the nurse would clean the end of the IV tube with alcohol and flush it with saline. You wouldn't think such a benign thing would make someone sick but the smell and taste of it was awful!
Finally, we were down to the last drug. This is the Dacarbazine and it had to be given by drip over an hour period. So she started that to dripping. By this time, I was so tired of sitting in that chair...I felt like a prisoner!! What was once a comfy, soft and relaxing chair, soon felt like my prison! I kept looking at the bag to see how much I had left and it was dripping ever so slow and seemed like it would take a lifetime to finish and empty!!
Soon, the pain started in my stomach. It hurt all across the top of my abdomen. It was almost like a cramp without needing to go to the bathroom. I told the nurse about it and she kept checking on me...the pain stayed and stayed...
Finally, the last of the drug had dripped in the IV and I was done!! They came and checked my vitals and said I was finished!! I was so glad!!
She carefully removed the tape over my port and had me hold my breath while she removed the needle. Once again, no pain. She put a lot of pressure on it to stop the bleeding and bandaged it up.
She gave me two prescriptions for nausea...one was called Kytril and one Phenergan. She told me to go ahead and take the Kytril when I got home and for the first few days to prevent nausea.
So, I was on my way...pumped full of poisons and not really sure what to think...
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
The Chemo Port Placement Surgery
Just as a warning: If you are reading this and about to go through this procedure, this is not meant in any way to frighten you! My experience may be nothing like your's! I just wish someone had informed me of the possibility of it being like that! So, let me explain.....
My surgery was scheduled for Wednesday, March 24th. This was a special day for me because it would have been my Mom's birthday. My wonderful Mom passed away in April of 2005 very unexpectedly and I still miss her so much!!!
That morning, we took the boys to school and headed for the hospital to be there at 8:00. I was really nervous and kinda sick to my stomach! I never do well in the mornings..just not a morning person! I often feel nauseaus! Anyway, we got there and they shortly took me back to a room and left my husband in the waiting room. They said he could come back soon...I didn't like that too much but I didn't make a fuss!
I went back into my room and they had me strip down and get the lovely hospital gown on...someone seriously needs to redesign those things!! Once I was dressed and in my hard bed...another thing that needs redoing....the nurse came in to check all my vitals and put my IV in. Nurses always have a time with me and needles and IV's because my veins like to roll and hide and since they were dehydrated, they especially did this! She stuck me the first time and it didn't work...I didn't even bleed when she pulled it out! Then she tried again on my other arm, this time in the hand...she was so sure she had it and then the IV would not drip! So, she said she would try one more time and if she didn't get it, she would send someone else in. I prayed and prayed and YES, she got it in...it was a little positional but she thought it would be fine since I wouldn't be under too long.
She got me all settled in and then went and got one of those wonderful heated blankets and put on me and went to find my husband....boy was I glad to see him!!! He always makes me feel safe when he is there..and just OK!!
We watched TV for awhile and talked and joked to pass the time....it seemed like a good while and they would check on me here and there. Soon, the anesthesiologist came in...He explained what they were gonna do and that I would be kinda out but not totally. He said if they needed to, he would be there to put me further under. He asked did I want something to relax me and I said a big "YES!!" So, the nurse came in and gave me an injection in the IV.
Before I knew it, they were coming to get me and wheeling me back down many halls into this really cold room! They had me scoot over on the operation table and then things kinda get fuzzy cause I was in and out....I remember lots of talking. I remember them swabbing my chest down and the liquid was cold and ran all down the back of my neck and into my hair! That was not a great feeling but I was out of it!!
I remember at some point them putting a heavy blue drape across me...the nurse said it was to protect me from the XRays....I hadn't a clue what she was really talking about at the time. Next thing I knew a nurse was buttoning my gown at my arms back up..."She said she needed to fix my party dress." I remember giggling. Then I was being scooted back on to a bed and being wheeled back down those long halls and back into my room.
I was pretty drowsy but not too out of it at this point. I was back in the room and soon my husband was there and all felt right in the world again. He had said I was in the OR almost an hour but of course to me, it had only seemed like minutes!
The pain wasn't bad at all at this point but I could feel something starting so I asked for pain medication and they soon brought me a shot of Demerol and Phenergan. The nurse asked did I want something to eat and drink and brought me a Sprite and a warm muffin! Best tasting muffin ever, especially when I was starving!!
About this time, I got to looking at my surgery area. There wasn't much to see, just two small stera strips. I was given lots of instructions like not taking a bath for 24 hours and to keep the strips on for ten days. Then they had my husband sign all the papers and wheeled me out to our van to go home. In total, we were there about 4 hours.
That afternoon was pretty much okay but then by that night I was in agony!! This surgery was so much more painful than the surgery to remove my lymph node! I just could not get relief. The only way I could bear it was to lie flat down and the bed and not move! When I did have to get up to go to the bathroom, pulling myself to a sitting position was so very painful!!
I had tons of swelling and bruising...it was like that for a couple of days and then Saturday seemed a little better. Then that afternoon, I started hurting when I took a big breath...it was not fun! I called the surgeon on call for the practice (he was not one I had ever dealt with). He never bothered to call me back! That really upset me but I didn't bother with it.
Finally, by Monday it started to ease!!! It has now been two weeks and for the most part I don't even know it's there! I can feel the port and tube some when I run my hand over it and I have about a one inch scar that is still healing up nicely! I am so thankful for the port because I have heard the alternative is not good...still, I wish I had known it could be so badly painful...maybe I would have been better prepared!
My surgery was scheduled for Wednesday, March 24th. This was a special day for me because it would have been my Mom's birthday. My wonderful Mom passed away in April of 2005 very unexpectedly and I still miss her so much!!!
That morning, we took the boys to school and headed for the hospital to be there at 8:00. I was really nervous and kinda sick to my stomach! I never do well in the mornings..just not a morning person! I often feel nauseaus! Anyway, we got there and they shortly took me back to a room and left my husband in the waiting room. They said he could come back soon...I didn't like that too much but I didn't make a fuss!
I went back into my room and they had me strip down and get the lovely hospital gown on...someone seriously needs to redesign those things!! Once I was dressed and in my hard bed...another thing that needs redoing....the nurse came in to check all my vitals and put my IV in. Nurses always have a time with me and needles and IV's because my veins like to roll and hide and since they were dehydrated, they especially did this! She stuck me the first time and it didn't work...I didn't even bleed when she pulled it out! Then she tried again on my other arm, this time in the hand...she was so sure she had it and then the IV would not drip! So, she said she would try one more time and if she didn't get it, she would send someone else in. I prayed and prayed and YES, she got it in...it was a little positional but she thought it would be fine since I wouldn't be under too long.
She got me all settled in and then went and got one of those wonderful heated blankets and put on me and went to find my husband....boy was I glad to see him!!! He always makes me feel safe when he is there..and just OK!!
We watched TV for awhile and talked and joked to pass the time....it seemed like a good while and they would check on me here and there. Soon, the anesthesiologist came in...He explained what they were gonna do and that I would be kinda out but not totally. He said if they needed to, he would be there to put me further under. He asked did I want something to relax me and I said a big "YES!!" So, the nurse came in and gave me an injection in the IV.
Before I knew it, they were coming to get me and wheeling me back down many halls into this really cold room! They had me scoot over on the operation table and then things kinda get fuzzy cause I was in and out....I remember lots of talking. I remember them swabbing my chest down and the liquid was cold and ran all down the back of my neck and into my hair! That was not a great feeling but I was out of it!!
I remember at some point them putting a heavy blue drape across me...the nurse said it was to protect me from the XRays....I hadn't a clue what she was really talking about at the time. Next thing I knew a nurse was buttoning my gown at my arms back up..."She said she needed to fix my party dress." I remember giggling. Then I was being scooted back on to a bed and being wheeled back down those long halls and back into my room.
I was pretty drowsy but not too out of it at this point. I was back in the room and soon my husband was there and all felt right in the world again. He had said I was in the OR almost an hour but of course to me, it had only seemed like minutes!
The pain wasn't bad at all at this point but I could feel something starting so I asked for pain medication and they soon brought me a shot of Demerol and Phenergan. The nurse asked did I want something to eat and drink and brought me a Sprite and a warm muffin! Best tasting muffin ever, especially when I was starving!!
About this time, I got to looking at my surgery area. There wasn't much to see, just two small stera strips. I was given lots of instructions like not taking a bath for 24 hours and to keep the strips on for ten days. Then they had my husband sign all the papers and wheeled me out to our van to go home. In total, we were there about 4 hours.
That afternoon was pretty much okay but then by that night I was in agony!! This surgery was so much more painful than the surgery to remove my lymph node! I just could not get relief. The only way I could bear it was to lie flat down and the bed and not move! When I did have to get up to go to the bathroom, pulling myself to a sitting position was so very painful!!
I had tons of swelling and bruising...it was like that for a couple of days and then Saturday seemed a little better. Then that afternoon, I started hurting when I took a big breath...it was not fun! I called the surgeon on call for the practice (he was not one I had ever dealt with). He never bothered to call me back! That really upset me but I didn't bother with it.
Finally, by Monday it started to ease!!! It has now been two weeks and for the most part I don't even know it's there! I can feel the port and tube some when I run my hand over it and I have about a one inch scar that is still healing up nicely! I am so thankful for the port because I have heard the alternative is not good...still, I wish I had known it could be so badly painful...maybe I would have been better prepared!
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