Hair Today...gone tomorrow!

Well....it happened! The day after chemo, I started losing my hair. At first I thought I was imagining it because I shed hair a lot anyway because of my Hypothyroidism. This just kept getting worse...every time I would run my hands through my hair, I would pull out 15-20 hairs. By Sunday, everywhere I would go, I would leave a trail of hairs...hairs in my food, in my mouth, on the floor, all over our bed....it was just getting really annoying!! So, I had David just shave it off.....and I was ready for it....or, I thought I was!!

When I started seeing my hair falling on the floor, it just hit me so hard!! I started bawling like a baby....it just made me so sad!! It was like the final blow kinda, like this made it finally totally real and there was no going back!

I was very shocked when I had to go look in the mirror at myself...I could barely do it!! I just felt so ...I don't know...so inhuman almost...so genderless...like my womanhood had been stripped! It was very traumatic!!

At this point, I had about an eighth of an inch of hair..it was very uncomfortable! My head felt cold and weird, and I hated it!! I was used to tons of hair and now this fuzz...when I laid my head on my pillow, the hairs would pull and my scalp is very tender right now from the hair loss so I was miserable!!

David went back and shaved me closer and this helped a lot! Now the hairs are not pulling anymore! It is much more comfortable!! But, that cold sensation feels so weird and I am still not thrilled about it...still feel like I look like a boy! But, I have to face it!! I must....there is no other choice!!

When my boys got home from church and I opened the door they all just kinda stood there for a minute. The twins smiled and my oldest said, "Mom, you look like me!!" But, my poor middle child just looked with his big brown eyes and he got pale and looked like he was gonna hit the floor....he said, "Mama, oh...I am scared!" and tears filled up his eyes and I just held him and explained that this didn't mean I was any more sick....that we just had to do it because it was all falling out and that it would come back. He talked to me a bit about it and seemed to feel better...but, it was just such an emotionally sad moment!!

I had a pink baseball cap that I had bought for when it fell out. I have been wearing that....I need to get me some more hats and maybe bandanas and all...I think it will help me to have some cute headware!

So, this is where I am at today...kinda down about my hair..but it's just hair! It will grow back!!